Are you lonely looking for yourself out there?

Fieldtrip, one day before the botany final

2012-02-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

To clear my head, I went for a nice walk with my mom today. It's frikkin cold outside and everything is frozen, but really quite beautiful to look at. And it really did clear my head for a while.

And after tomorrow, I can hopefully really love those beautiful plants again. Gaaah <3

Traumtag

2012-02-01T13:51:00.000-08:00

Mein Traumtag, oder eher meine Traumnacht, wäre im Sommer. Es wäre richtig heiß gewesen tagsüber, sodass die Erde nachts noch nicht richtig abgekühlt ist und man im T-Shirt rumlaufen kann, ohne zu frieren. Es würde so richtig nach Sommer riechen, und die Nacht wäre sternenklar. Nur Er und ich. Ohne eine Menschenseele.

Wir würden tausend Kissen und Decken mitnehmen, irgendwo hin schleppen, wo kein irdisches Licht mehr scheint. Keine Straßenlaternen, keine sonstige Elektrizität. Nichts. Absolute Dunkelheit.

Auf dem Rücken liegend die Milchstraße betrachten.

Das wär mein Traumtag.

Bildquelle: tumblr

Physics Physics Physics! Math Math Math! Botany Botany Botany!

2012-01-31T12:46:00.000-08:00

Yes, those are the three exams I will need to take.
Physics is kinda screwing me over recently. I thought I had it all together, but I failed a test last week and need to retake it tomorrow. Depending on whether I fail or pass it, I may or may not be able to take the actual final exam. It should be really easy, as I basically have all the answers to the questions, but I had them last week and didn't pass, so I'm kinda nervous.

My brain is completely full of botany. It counts for 6,5 % of my entire bachelors degree, so it's kind of important that I
1.) do NOT fail this exam
2.) actually get an at least decent grade.
I'm usually a very, very ambitious person when it comes to grades; my German High School GPA was 1,4 (equals an American 3,6 to 3,7) because of that. But there, we wrote texts about the topic, now we have multiple choice tests and I need to rely on my memory, which, oh my god, is completely terrible. It's a sponge, and by that I don't mean that it sucks up all information, but rather that it has holes ^^

Botany is basically everything and anything about plants.

-microscopes and how they work

-bacteria with photosynthesis

-endosymbiotic theory

-taxonomy of plants

-algae (god I hate those motherfuckers)

-plant cells

-reproductive system and generation change; spores, gametes, everything

-moss (bryophytes)

-ferns

-gymno/ angiosperms (basically any plant with seeds)

-blossoms and fruits and seeds

-fungi

-movement of plants

-leaves

-secondary growth of the shoot axis

-roots

-phloem, xylem, wood

JESUS.

If you are interested in constantly having a life and not studying until you hate yourself and every green thing around you, seriously, don't study biology. If you find it interesting, as I do, curiously, despite studying my brains out, then go for it!

The thing is, as i mentioned.... I've been concentrating on botany the whole time. Three days after the botany exam, there will be a math exam, which will be completely brutal - calculus + statistics... absolutely deadly. And a week after that, there will be physics, which will be easier than math, but still a challenge, as I simply suck at physics. I'm trying, but.... it's just so hard.

This has been a post.

Sorry about rambling about my biology studies. I promise, it'll end soon and I'll have more interesting stuff to post about :) It's just that this is my life right now. Here's a picture of about 3/4 of my notes so you know what I'm talking about. There's stuff on both sides.

And this is what keeps me going :)

I'm sorry, I'm really not presentable right now, so this is about a week old. Close enough.

Peace out yo!! Have a good, peaceful night :) xx

One week until finals - and "More about me" page on the side ->>

2012-01-30T12:50:00.000-08:00

UGH. Short study break because I just need to rant.
I hate finals. I hate them with a passion. Of course NOW that I don't have time to put up with everybodys shit, everybody comes and asks me to put up with their shit / help them deal with it.
My ex for example. He just asks me if we can hang out every day... and I keep telling him that I can't because I need to study. Then, he tells me that he still likes me, which is shit because I have made the effort to stop liking him after he dumped me. Which worked out GREAT. I mean it.
But then, he is soooo fucking desperate to get a girlfriend, it doesn't even seem to matter who he choses, as long as it's a girl with some sort of tits. I swear to god there's a new girl every week.
And NO, I'm not jealous, I'm just tired of that shit.

Then, there's a friend of mine at university. He's a really good friend, we really like each other, but we keep getting into fights because I'm a bit moody sometimes (due to stressfulness and finals!!!) and then he tells me that we need to stop being friends because he's really unhappy. Four days pass and we're friends again. I swear, this happens way too often for a friendshit that is only two months old.

Okay, my life sounds really dramatic right now

and that is totally not what I want in life. I can't stand drama queens and I like my life simple and nice, with people who I like and who like me, and who can put up with my bad moods every once in a while. In return, I will put up with their bad moods of course, but PLEASE, let me talk some sense into you!!!

/rant over.

Space. The final frontier. DIY Nebula tank top.

2012-01-28T10:32:00.000-08:00

Goodday.

Today, instead of studying like I should (>_<), I made a galaxy/nebula shirt out of acrylic paint and my brothers old t-shirt.

Before:

After:

First, I cut off the sleeves, turned the thing inside out, cut open the sides and cut off the collar. I then adjusted it so it had a nice, tight fit and sewed it all together, the colorful print now being on the inside so it wouldn't disturb the nebula.
Then, I started out with the nebula by sponging some white color on the material and distributing it relatively uneven. After that, I took a paintbrush and randomly mixed blue, green and pink with white for the lighter parts and faded them out with darker and darker tones of those colors. Then I took a toothbrush for the stars and added a few bigger dots with a tiny paintbrush. The back is painted similarly, but I don't like it as much. The stars certainly make it look more like a nebula.

When I have the chance, I will paint the words 'Space. The final frontier' on the front and 'STAR TREK' on the back :) Oh the things you think of when you don't want to study.

My night will consist of Math, Physics and watching Star Trek. What is my life....

Have a great night!

Star Trek, Stupidity, and new shoes

2012-01-27T08:40:00.001-08:00

Hey fellas!

I've finally decided to live my lifelong dream and be a Star Trek something-or-other for Carnival this year. I found this amazingly accurate dress on the internet and ordered it:

I also already made the Combadge, I wanted it to look a little like this, without ordering it:

It turned out like this, of course, being a biology major, with the science insignia:

I actually like it quite a lot. This costume is going to be SO AWESOME! I only need to figure out tights, shoes and hairdo. But that shouldn't be an issue, my hair is long enough to do pretty much anything with it.

Yeah, speaking of hair, left side is airdried, right side is blowdried. I like the left side better.

I also got new shoes today, I went to a thrift store with my mom to look at furniture and other stuff, potantially for my future appartment which, at the moment, seems to be in the VERY FAR future. Eh x.x

Anyways, shoes for 10€:

And speaking of shoes, I also took a better picture/ better pictures of my glittery shoes. OH MY GOD I love them so much. I call them my "disco shoes", and they have been on quite a few disco trips as well.

Last but not least, to not leave out the "Stupidity" in my title.... I actually fell down half a staircase today, but not because I tripped or got pushed or anything, NO - it was because I actually got distracted ON the staircase and forgot that I was on it. I then quickly stepped forward and found myself lying on the floor, on my stomach. Fun times. I didn't hurt myself or break anything though. I'm just really glad I skipped university, heaven knows what would've happened to me :D

On that note, have a good friday (night).

Happy Monday!

2012-01-23T08:02:00.000-08:00

Hiya, fellows!

Man, I wish I had more time and more stuff going on to actually blog about. My life being this, it seems rather pointless to write a blog entry every day. But if I keep this up, I might get used to it, which was my goal in the first place. I'm just imagining somebody on the other side of the world going "Oh, it's that Anna chick again, writing about botany, again, and posting a new look, AGAIN" .... oh well ^^

So today, I got home early and nobody was home so I could abuse our living room to take a picture of my current clothes. It was kinda spontaneous, but eh.

I absolutely love the necklace, I've had the Sailor Moon key chain for years and finally decided to put it to use. So now she's my personal super hero guarding me through the adventures of life (a.k.a. biology =.=) Oh and also, my clothes arrived on Saturday :) The skirt is waaay too big and I will have to sew it tighter, but it was 7 € and it's gorgeous, so who cares?! :) I'll post pictures of the dress another time, maybe.

Well, I'd better get back to studying. Botany essays about seeds and fruit don't write themselves.

More tomorrow! x

Butterflies

2012-01-20T09:27:00.000-08:00

They're definitely there. And I feel like a fucking 15-year old, it's been too long.

I bought clothes today, and intend to buy more, but need to wait for my PayPal to be activated. Most people on Etsy only let you pay with PayPal, which is bullshit in my opinion (I have no experience with it and it means signing up on even more sites), but oh well. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

One of those will be worn on a date. I just haven't quite decided yet which one of them. :) I'm so nervous though. How do you properly go on a date and make the right moves? I'm so bad at that.

Oh, I got a letter in the mail today with my contract for my new job. From now on, I work in a senior home's kitchen. I don't make a lot of money, but it's a good start, as I hope to move out, preferably sooner than later.

Other than that, I'm really just studying and universitying. All day - all night.

Last but not least, here's my new look on lookbook.

Peace out yo.

Have I mentioned that I love Einstein?

2012-01-16T06:26:00.000-08:00

Yah. I really do.

Today has been rather uneventful, the bus decided to wait until the next hour, so I was late for university, which didn't really matter because botany was easy and cellular biology was so hard that I did botany instead. ^^

I just want to do something other than studying.

2012-01-15T06:12:00.000-08:00

I feel that the past two months have consisted of either getting drunk or being at university/studying for it at home. Granted, it's the first semester, and I have Math and Physics to concentrate on, but, seriously. No hobbies. That's bad. I should at least start blogging about the fact that I'm studying. Then I could at least say that my hobby is blogging. Anyway. I deleted my lookbook a few months ago and today, I just thought fuck it and made a new one. Here's the first look.

I love the shoes. They're glittery and I got them as a graduation gift. I don't recommend buying the exact ones though, they were rather expensive and aren't the best quality ever.

Well. I better get back to studying. Look at this ridiculous load of notes I've already taken, and I still need to make about ten more!

Sheeesh! Long time no post!

2012-01-14T10:41:00.000-08:00

So, happy new year! Here's a shitty picture of me from yesterday evening, showing off my semi-rainbow-hair :>

2012 certainly has a very different outlook than 2011 did. And I really hope it will be better than 2011, overall.

First of all, I turned 20 on Wednesday. 20! There's a two in front now. What a weird feeling.

Second of all, I'm still in my first semester of college, so 2012 will be the first entire year of independent college studies. I might even move to the city.

Finally, I'm still single, although I hope to change that in the next few months. I don't really have a single clue how exactly I am going to do that, but it's still my plan. And even if it doesn't work out - no love life is better than a shitty one. Always. So in that concern, 2012 will hopefully be a lot better also. :)

Anyway. Final exams are coming up and I'm studying like a madwoman. I've never studied this much for finals before - even though technically, my high school finals were a lot harder. These are just multiple choice questions (in botany and cell- and molecular biology) and a little (or a lot of) math and physics. I can handle that. Still, it's just so much stuff to get into my head in the next .... holy fuck, in the next three weeks. Aaaaaand there go my love-life plans :D

I've kind of decided yesterday to start blogging a lot more. I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but tumblr just isn't real blogging. It's a collection of pretty and/or shitty pictures.

More later.

I want to draw portraits of people for money.

2011-09-25T10:13:00.000-07:00

Soooo badly. I just have no idea how to start! I've been told that I do a good job and when I look at artists on the internet selling their portraits for a hundred bucks and.. honestly, they're great and everything but they're more like sketches than full 20-hour brain-eating portraits.

Making dresses

2011-06-20T07:39:00.000-07:00

I'm finally starting on my prom dress today. I don't really see why I should just buy any dress for such a special occasion, especially because I rarely go to occasions like this - which makes it an even bigger deal for me than for the other girls, I'd suspect. I'm going to sew it by myself. It's a pattern, and it is supposed to look like this in the end:

Only in black. And I'm only making the skirt - I bought a really pretty red corset from amazon...

I am quite excited :) It's not a difficult pattern, I've had worse - it's just very slippery fabric and it's also big. But oooh, it's gonna be so pretty.

Hollandandandand

2011-06-18T06:49:00.001-07:00

After a week in Holland, I'm back and finally got my results and yay, it went pretty good actually. I got what I expected, although I missed that single fucking point that would've made it perfect.

That's precisely why I'm going to retake the Math test for the THIRD time. I don't feel like studying at all right now, but I'll get there eventually. It would be stupid to miss out on a better grade when it can be achieved that simply.

Anyway, Holland was great. I went camping with four amazing people (one of them is Miriyana), while the rest of my class - partly the not so amazing people - went somewhere else, but still close enough to be able to see them when I felt like it.
It rained a whole lot - but it was still fun. The beach was nice.

Some asshole took a picture of me in Amsterdam while eating baked beans out of a can - apparently he thought it was hilarious that I didn't buy fat-dripping, filthy expensive McDonald's shit....

If you ever happen to find that picture on the Interwebz, contact me, will you?

(this photo is also by Miriyana)

Judging you.

2011-05-16T13:13:00.000-07:00

I need rainbow hair!!!

2011-05-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

Oh my God yes I do. Tumblr told me to.

Can you see why ?!?

OMG, revolution!!!

2011-05-11T10:54:00.000-07:00

Germany is so fucked up. Seriously.

Yesterday, I had my written final exam in Math. My last one ever. Or so I thought before I was done.... because apparently, the exam included some exercises that didn't belong in there. Like, in Germany, the government decides what exercises our teachers can choose, and usually the teacher has two or three choices, just in case one of the exercises doesn't suit his or her class. So,

Error #1: There was only ONE calculus exercise that he could choose.

Which just so happened to suck BALLS. Not even little miss perfect was able to solve the problems. Which I thought was impossible in this universe. Grrrrghh. (Why again is it that this gave me a happier feeling? I feel kinda bad... :/)

Error #2: There was shit in that exam that they cannot expect from us Math victims.

Like I said, government controls it. So they say what our teachers have to cover within those two years. And guess what, government failed! Luckily, my teacher did cover that in his class, but at the very beginning and only very marginally. I thought it was OK, but a lot of others couldn't do it, and I completely understand why. I had a different problem, which leads me to

Error #3: There wasn't enough time to solve all the problems properly.

I don't think one single person in that exam got done. Not one. I might even have an explanation for that though...

Error #4: The statement of task, or the questions asked were not clear.

Like, you just sat there for five minutes, staring at it... thinking 'Am I an ape or is there something very wrong here?'

Dear mother of God -.- This kind of shit happens when you let the system control you. So, tomorrow we, the people, the students, are going to talk to our teachers. We are going to try and clear this up and hopefully either be able to rewrite our exams or to have them grade us more humanly. :P

Anyways, here are some pictures of my lunch today. I am SUCH an amazing photographer, I know right? :P ........

Graduation coming up!

2011-05-10T08:50:00.000-07:00

Jesus, I haven't posted in a loooong time. I guess tumblr kind of took over. It is getting boring though, because all you ever do there is reblog posts with 9k notes. Not extremely original. Meh.

Well well well. Soon, I will have graduated! Today was my second final, so two more to go, yay! It went okay. Math, meh. The first one went great because it was English, and English is a piece of cake. Biology and Child Education to follow, which are both..... challenging. Ohhh my God yes.

But anyways, wow! No more (high) school, fucking E-V-E-R! It's unbelievable. Unbelievably boring. You just kinda start recognizing how alibi-like all those friendships were. I don't really talk to many people there anymore... if Facebook didn't exist, I wouldn't even know if they were alive or not.

Also, I just have NOTHING to do. I should be studying, but .... studying was never the strongest of my skills, also I don't really need it as much as others do. Recently I even took a picture of all the finals I ever wrote:

More than 300 pages within two years of high school. Hand-written. With my own thoughts on different topics. Most of them got pretty good grades, too.

Just imagine - if I had quit high school two years ago, I could have easily written a best seller; instead I sit here, worrying about my Math final. Pa-the-tic.

.......

I know one thing for sure.

2010-08-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

If I ever get a tattoo, it will have to be an elephant-related one. Yup.

Sweet Disposition

2010-08-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

Lookbook.nu

Forget love, I just want you to make sense to me tonight.

Just for tonight, darling, let's get lost

2010-08-01T08:38:00.000-07:00

Everything is rushing.

Sometimes you just have to let the rainbow in.

2010-06-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't photoshopped this. It's real make-up and a real lollipop. It broke, but it was tasty :)

Rainbow Cupcakes

2010-06-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

Gotta love them.

Colorscolorscolors

2010-05-27T11:36:00.000-07:00

She comes in colors ev'rywhere by ~Vhantasmica on deviant ART

Beam me up, Scotty, there is no intelligent life down here.

2010-05-23T10:47:00.001-07:00

My boyfriend's old tee makes a lovely dress...

2010-05-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

Aibohphobia

2010-05-05T06:34:00.000-07:00

I can't quite decide what I like better, "curly" or "straight".

Go ahead and smash it to death

2010-05-02T06:42:00.000-07:00

My first answer would've been 'Hipster'. And then dumbfuck.

But organ donor, is... yeah, well.

Whenever I'm lonely, I do creative things.

2010-04-17T06:41:00.000-07:00

...I'm creative a lot lately.

I can haz skirt and dress in one!

2010-04-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

Note: Skirt must at least go to middle of shin in order to be a dress.

So, yesterday I tried on a skirt that I've had for at least five years. It still fits and it kinda looks, meh, eh, naaawh. At least I'm not as fond of it as some may be.

Next thing I do is... sew some straps out of plain black material. It's real simple, they just have to be long enough to be neckholder-straps ;)

Pull dress up...

Tie the straps around your neck. Tie a belt or a black ribbon around your waist, wherever suites you best.

This look on LOOKBOOK

And this is what you get! Isn't it great?

Bold what you have. Italicalize what you want.

2010-04-05T12:31:00.000-07:00

1. A cell phone.

2. A hair straightener.

3. Your own computer.

4. Your own car.

5. Chanel/Dior/Gucci sunglasses

6. A designer purse.

7. A boyfriend/girlfriend.

8. A curling iron.

9. Every Fall Out Boy CD.

10. Something from American Eagle.

11. Something from Hot Topic.

12. Something from Hollister.

13. Something from Abercrombie.

14. A pet.

15. Some type of trophy/award.

16. Full/Queen-size bed.

17. King-size bed.

18. An iPod.

19. Something from a professional team.

20. Ever had more than $100 at a time.

21. Monster, Full Throttle, Amp, Red Bull, etc. in your fridge.

22. Something Green Day.

23. Xanga.

24. Myspace.

25. Makeup.

26. A desk in your room.

27. A hill in your backyard.

28. DDR.

29. A pair of skis.

30. An alarm clock.

31. A pair of ice skates.

32. Rollerblades.

33. A treadmill.

34. Your own phone line.

35. AIM.

36. Yahoo!

37. MSN.

38. ICQ.

39. AOL.

40. Perfume/cologne.

41. Bath lotion.

42. Necklaces and bracelets.

43. A journal/diary.

44. Yogurt and peaches in your fridge.

45. X’s in your screen name.

46. A birthday in September.

47. A famous relative.

48. A relative in a different state

49. A disowned relative.

50. A relative that lives in Florida.

51. Your own bathroom.

52. Your own band.

53. Any rock band shirts.

54. A guitar.

55. A hammock.

56. A basketball hoop.

57. A soccer net.

58. A bike.

59. An electric scooter.

60. A minivan.

61. A V.C. Andrews book.

62. A friend that does drugs/alcohol/smokes.

63. A locker at school.

64. A baby.

65. Sparkly blue nail polish.

66. A “Vote for Pedro” shirt.

67. The movie “40 Year Old Virgin”.

68. A promise ring.

69. A pool table.

70. A swimming pool/hot tub.

71. Trampoline.

72. Livejournal.

73. Flip flops.

74. Steve Madden shoes.

75. The Sims 2.

76. A ping pong table.

77. An air hockey table.

78. A basement.

79. Converse.

80. Construction paper.

81. Markers, crayons, etc..

82. Coloring books.

83. A nice singing voice.

84. GameCube.

85. Xbox.

86. Playstation.

87. PS3.

88. PSP.

89. Some type of disease.

90. Rose Red movie.

91. VCR/DVD player.

92. A mom or dad.

93. An older brother.

94. An older sister.

95. A younger brother.

96. A younger sister.

97. A sled.

98. A lake/pond/river/ocean near your house.

99. Friends who like you.

I've stolen this from http://verenathings.tumblr.com/

Sleep shirts should be worn more often.

2010-04-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

Loving this Look.

LOOKBOOK.nu: "I found the sun today. It was hiding behind my couch." by Anna B.

I am the scout of silence.

2010-04-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

Yes. This is my Sailor Saturn costume.

I am fairly proud of it.

Don't tell me to grow up...

2010-03-02T12:55:00.000-08:00

Growing up is not something I can force myself to. It is a process, and a beautiful one, too.
Sometimes, at least.

I think I feel like being extraordinary. Like picking up an elephant or something.

Instead, I just feel empty.
Very empty.
Everything is gray. Nothing makes sense anymore. Not in a confusing way. I just see no sense in anything anymore...

I miss those loved ones, all of them. Close and far.
But I don't know if I am a loved one to them any longer.
I feel like I should be, and I really want to be... but on the other hand, things are quite wrong with us. And it's not our fault. It is nobody's fault.

Today would be a good day for an earthquake.

Sailor Saturn

2010-01-28T11:58:00.000-08:00

Oy!
Bald ist Karneval!
Und ich habe mir überlegt, einfach so aus Jux und Tollerei und weil ich früher soooo ein Sailor Moon Fan war, mir ein Kostüm zu schneidern...
Aber nicht für Sailor Moon, sondern Saturn.
Das ist sie ;)

Den Stoff hab ich schon. Eigentlich ist ihre Rockfarbe ja lila, aber ich fand dieses satte Königsblau vieeel schöner...
Dazu hab ich ein altes T-Shirt von meinem Vater genommen, das werde ich enger nähen und dann die Ärmel abschneiden. Außerdem muss der V-Ausschnitt tiefer werden.
Und dann noch dieses hübsche Weinrot für die Schleifen, ein bisschen blau an die Handschuhe, ... fertig <3 Ich uploade dann ein Foto.

Haach, ist das stressig. Modemodemodemode! Sie umkreist mich wie die Erde sich selbst x.x Ich muss momentan 'ne Facharbeit schreiben, in Französisch, und das Thema ist "Französische Mode - ist sie anders als die deutsche und wenn ja, inwiefern?"
Abgabe ist in 29 Tagen und ich bin noch nicht soooooo weit... *schwitz*
Außerdem kann ich so gut wie kein Französisch x.x.x.x.x Aber egal, ich pack das schon.
Jo, und außerdem ist der Leistungsdruck enorm geworden, durch das Punktesystem der 12.
Und durch die SoMiNo's. grr.
Außerdem muss ich mich um meine Zukunft kümmern.
Ich möchte Modedesignerin werden. Dazu muss ich zum einen besser Nähen lernen (siehe oben..^^) und zum anderen kreativ sein und zeichnen können. Das ist eigentlich kein Thema. Aber ich muss konsequenter sein.
Ich bin jetzt in einer AG, in der man an seinen Bewerbungsmappen für den Studiengang Kunst, Design, Architektur etc. arbeiten kann. Das ist echt ne gute Sache!
Und dann das private Leben. Das läuft echt wunderschön.
Ich hab 'nen tollen Freund, bin jetzt 18, hab super supersupersuper Freunde, einen Urlaub nach Barcelona geplant, ..... (:
Ich denke ich packe das Leben :')

New new new new new

2010-01-01T10:30:00.000-08:00

Aloha.
Over. New. Again.

Happy New Year, dudes!
Heehhhh!
I am so relieved that this year is over.
The first half was the best half year of my life, but the second one kinda sucked.
Not that I wanna complain again. Just sayin'.

So yeah, I'm actually planning on being a lot nicer than I have tried so far. To not take everything so damn serious. To seize the day. To love the people who are lovable. This includes the friends who have been my friends before America as well. It can't hurt, right? =)

Well. My new years night sure was something o_o
It started with a weird reunion kinda thing, my old girl friends and me.
Then we had a bunch of food and drinks.
Then the guys came and there were more drinks. ...
Then I accidentally drank rotten milk, ewwwghh.
Then I had a wonderful talk with my besties. <3 Then, uh, then the new year happened, kinda, and I went outside.
We lit firecrackers. Had drinks. Some people came over and said happy new year.
I had a serious talk with one of my former friends who has changed just like me.
We agreed on trying to be friends again. It was odd.
Then I talked to another exchange student who has been in America too. It was fun. Kentucky, hah!
Then he vomited into the sink which was already full of rotten milk and also the sink was full of candle wax.
I unplugged it.
It splashed out and got my favorite bag. Fugg.
The rest of the night was pretty much spent with talking, comforting, eating, cleaning and sleeping.

My 18th birthday is coming up and I'm terribly excited! And scared.
And I have no clue what to wish for. There are a bunch of things I consider wanting, but they are all small... and there are a lot.
This bag for example.

Isn't it the most gorgeous thing ever?!?

And also this T-Shirt.
Gawd, I love geeky t-shirts.
yupyup.
Well, I guess this is it for now.
Happy New Year to all of you, and make 2o1o be the greatest year so far. ;)

Have I found you...

2009-12-30T10:36:00.000-08:00

..., flightless bird?

Yo.
Morgen ist das Jahr um. Schon wieder. Ja gibt's denn sowas.
Bis grade eben hatte ich keine Ahnung, wo, was und wie ich feiern würde. Ich dachte mir, hey, rufste dein amerikanisches Edward Cullen Äquivalent (wahaha) an und quatschste halt die ganze Nacht und besäufst dich dabei am Besten mit einer gehörigen Flasche feinstem Honigmet.
Joar, wird nix :D
Ich gehe doch auf 'ne Silvesterfeier. Irgendwie freue ich mich schon, denn meine beiden Besties werden da sein.
Allerdings haben sie noch ihre Sweethearts dabei, während ich weder das Äquivalent noch mein Sweetheart habe momentan. Der eine lebt in Amerika, der andere ist grad im Skiurlaub in Italien. x.x

Naja. Wenn ich mich zusammenreiße, wird es bestimmt gut. ^^

Wenigstens kann ich mich gehörig aufbretzeln, denn meine Besties machen das genauso.

Ich dachte an mein Promkleid aus Amerikazeiten, das kann man ja nur für besondere Anlässe anziehen, und ein rauchiges lila Make-up, passend zu dem Kleid....^^

Das mag ich eigentlich sehr gerne.
Hoffe nur, ich bin dann nicht zu overdressed -.-'

Naja.

Grade hat mein Freund angerufen. Aus Italien. >.<' Ich hab mich zwar total gefreut, aber er hat total viel Geld dafür verbraten und mmmnnnh!!! Männer sind so schwierig manchmal.
Sosososososooo schwierig.
Aber wir Frauen genauso.
Kaum machen sie mal was süßes, was wir uns ja immer soooo wünschen (ich muss schon wieder an Edward Cullen denken), sind wir unzufrieden... und wissen nicht mal warum.
Tja.

Irgendwie hab ich den Faden verloren, ich wollte noch was schreiben o_o
Egal. Wurscht.
Dann geh ich jetzt für heute.
Peace out!!

It's never gonna change who you are.

2009-12-26T07:12:00.001-08:00

"Ich bin bisexuell, denn ich verliebe mich in den Menschen."
...nicht in das Geschlecht.

"Hass ist nichts als ein schreiendes Gehirn
Das von Schmerzen gelähmt
Das Denken vergisst und das Wissen erstickt"

...Hass ist also irrational. Ein Gefühl.
Ein Gefühl, das alles zerstört. Nicht nur das Hassobjekt, sondern auch den Hassenden.
Wo liegt also der Sinn im Hass?

Let it go.
We're all the same. Don't let anybody take away your right to be what you are...

Peace, Love and Rainbows.

"Merry" Christmas!

2009-12-24T13:28:00.000-08:00

So, this is Christmas.
But where the hell did the 'merry' part of it go?
I had the tiny and short illusion of the christmas feeling, but it passed fairly quick. And with it, my boyfriend left to Italy. I know I know, it's only two weeks. But still. Fuck.
I tried to make the feeling come again, by going to church.
I never go to church. So I did.
It worked. I was happy.
When I came home, it passed. Just like that.
We ate a wonderful meal.
It was yummy.
We opened our presents.
I got an elephant-calendar, a coffee-to-go mug, a capodaster, a glass slide, twilight, a diy book, empty CD's and make-up brushes.
Awesome presents.
Yet, where is the merry? Where?

Are humans clever?

2009-12-12T12:29:00.000-08:00

I found this story in the Internet. It makes me think even more about mankind...

Humans are clever
"Years ago, the animals disappeared. One morning, they were gone, just like that.
Neither had they said goodbye, nor had they left a farewell letter.
We never really found out where they had gone.
We missed them. Now, we were on our own.
Didn't know what to do.
Then we noticed that their disappearance wasn't a reason to change our habits.
Not a reason to change our diet or to stop doing experiments with products which had the potential to do harm to us.

After all, there still were the babies.
They can't speak, hardly move, are no rationally thinking creatures.
We made babies. We used them.
Some we ate. Baby's meat is tender and juicy.
We skinned them. Baby's leather is soft and pleasant to wear.
Some we used for tests. Dribbled soaps in their eyes, injured, boiled, burned them.
We screwed them down and stuck electrodes in their brains. We plugged and irradiated them.
Froze them. Our drugs flowed in their veins until they stopped breathing.

Of course we had a hard time, but it was necessary.
Nobody could contradict that.
Some people, of course, complained. But those people always exist, don't they.
And everything went its normal path again.
Only that...

Yesterday, all the babies disappeared.
We don't know where. We didn't even see them disappear.
We don't know what to do without them.
But we'll come up with something.
Humans are clever. That's what makes us superior to the animals and the babies."

(source unknown, translated from german into english by me.)

What is with the world?

2009-09-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

"Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me.... is there anyone at home?"

Heeeehhhh...
What's up world?
Today I had a really weird day. Not excitingly weird, no, but just weird. Because it started out really stupid. I had some weird-ass dreams and woke up at five and fell asleep again. So I was late and was yelled at by my dad, then got to school (late), and fuck school and blah and I don't even want to rant about school here, it's boring to read!!!

Anyways, but then it was great because I went downtown with my two favorite German people at the moment and we had ice cream and got really mad at everything and debated and mocked people and it was wonderful because those two people right now... mean the world to me. Not only that they are really really great and awesome people and listen to me and are not boring and not mean and stupid as shit and whatever, but also, they really feel like they are my allies.

Take stupid city brats. They keep staring. Staring staring staring as if it were their right to judge or to hate anybody because of anything they can see. One of them even yelled something about carnival... Why ?! Where's the point?
Or, old men who even take their eyes off of the steering wheel.... Ewww.

Then, take all those wannabe social people who are just really really really mean assholes... they never ever even look at you... but as soon as there is something wrong or interesting going on (like a red eye or a relationship, sometimes even issues in a relationship) they come along and pretend they are your greatest friends, just to know secrets and tell them... Damn...

I miss America so much. I miss it miss it miss it. Or at least I miss the old times when the world wasn't this .... messed up?
I don't know.
But I do know I miss it. And I want to go back and just hold them all in my arms. Especially this one person.

Tell me the color of the rain,
No one was born to be a master

Biology Homework

2009-09-21T11:40:00.000-07:00

It's so tiring!
We had a free week, or at least it was free of Biology, so what does he do?
He gives us a ton of assignments to do. With Mitosis and chickens and Chromosomes and whatever the fuck...
Six printouts and another six pages in the book.... I'm done with two by now, it's due tomorrow and it's evening.

I found a really great flash for Mitosis/Meiosis though.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/miracle/divi_flash.html

It's awesome, it's explained really well and I totally understand Mitosis now. I just don't know HOW mad he's gonna get tomorrow when I don't have everything. Should start working now again.
More later....

Rainbow

2009-09-19T05:37:00.000-07:00

I made this yesterday...
I am obsessed with rainbows and with tights. So I changed my clothes about ten times for this picture.
... I own 20 pair of them now...

The fucked up mood.

2009-09-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is.

I think the main reason why I am in this mood is............
I'm back in Germany. My exchange year, the wonderful time, the experiences... it's all over.

The thing with this is... it's not REALLY over
There are all these people, these things I totally got used to, the wonderful things which I all miss so much it hurts my guts. Literally sometimes. It's all so messed up.

I actually mainly left the country because I wanted to see something new, something different, something not so boring. Because before, it was extremely boring. And not just boring, but stupid. The peoples attitudes just pissed me off...

Aaaand now that I am back and changed and have been free of all those attitudes for half a year it is even worse! All those people just bother me so much. I don't know if they became worse or if I only see them worse than before.

I think I changed...

Generation Conflicts?

2009-09-16T05:25:00.000-07:00

Today I saw a play in school. It was about... I can't even describe it in one sentence.

It started out with some people today moving into an old house with a bunch of stuff from the fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. They thought of their own generation and while they did, they kept going back in time and the stereotypes of every generation were shown.

And then, they tried to find something to put in a box for OUR generation...

What is there to put in OUR generation-box?

We are in the Internet-era ... So would that be something worth putting in there? Who knows how long this will go on? Also, it's nothing to be proud of.

What kind of music is typical for us? Everything we listen to already has its own generation...

What kind of clothes? Fashion repeats itself.

I think that for our generation, the word individualism is very important... Everybody wants to be themselves, and it goes so far that people avoid being like anybody else just for the sake of being unique. Sometimes that goes too far. But the person as an individual is, at least in the western world, very important, that is for sure.

Still. Our generation really does suck. You can't say anything else. We don't show any respect for teachers or any adult, really, but especially not for each other. Racism... Prejudices... Violence... well-known words.
We don't know what we want, we are not dedicated to anything, barely politically active. We don't give a damn about what happens in school - and I know for a fact that this is even worse in America than in Germany. Which does not mean of course that we Germans are much better. Instead of just shutting the fuck up, we laugh at others for being themselves...

How can we even stand being like that?!
... I know that a LOT of people are asking the same question and that I am not the only person to be this disgusted about it.
Still, nothing happens.

I guess the verb "to happen" is a passive word.

But, is it written in stone that we can't do anything?

I have been thinking.

2009-09-15T12:17:00.000-07:00

[SORRY FOR THE LANGUAGE.]

What a funny title for a Blog.
I have been thinking.
I do it all the time!
So, what's the big deal.
I have decided to start a blog. Blogs are following me everywhere.
Friday, I watched Julie&Julia with a good friend. BLOG.
Yesterday, we talked about her friend who is in India right now, writing a BLOG.
Today, we talked about facehunter, who also owns a BLOG. Whatever the fork.

Another reason for this is... I spend way too much time on the computer. Mostly to scrobble music, but I keep doing stupid stuff in the Internet that isn't worth shit. So, instead, I might actually get involved in my own life by writing it down.

My memory is also horrible, maybe this'll help...

So, today.
What'd I do today?

First thing I did was waking up way too early, no school, grr, but a cold that choked me half to death once I was up. So I used nosespray and, woo, could go to sleep again. Then, I finally got up and had some coffee and left the house to...

meet my three favorite female German people, pretty much. At least at this very moment they are. Oh, yeah.
We got onto the train to Duesseldorf, and guess what we did...
I spoke English, friend one spoke English too, friend two spoke French and friend three spoke Chinese. It was so much fun, especially because moi, friend one and two do NOT understand Chinese AT ALL. WHATSOEVER. All I know is that Schweige means hot guy :D and da xiang means Elephant.

Yeah.
Then, after coming back home, I painted a picture, practiced some guitar annnnnnnd met my boyfriend for like fifteen minutes.

I'm in a real fucked up mood, not just today, just lately. More about this later, I guess. Gu-ess. Weird word.
Gonna have some fruit tea with honey now, peace out and gewd noight, world.